• Nilmari Donate-Melendez

Jealousy & Envy as a Motivator: The Story of Little D.

Little D. grew up with something missing. As an adult he would be looking for ways on how to damage others who may appear to be happier or more successful than him. Even when he had a great family and kids, seems like he wanted to have what others families had. Little D. was envious and he couldn‘t deal with it. Instead he became bitter and angrier. One day, after being confronted by someone he hurt, he decided to own his mistakes and recognized he was jealous.

Jealousy and envy are emotions that everyone experiences from time to time. It strikes people of all ages, genders, and sexual orientations, and is most typically aroused when a person perceives a threat to a valued relationship from a third party. The threat may be real or imagined.

Although jealousy is a painful emotional experience, evolutionary psychologists regard it not as an emotion to be suppressed but as one to heed. As a result, jealousy is seen as a necessary emotion, because it preserves social bonds and motivates people to engage in behaviors that maintain important relationships.

Valuable though it can be, jealousy also has the potential to fuel damaging behavior. It can compel someone to obsessively monitor another's communication, relationships, and whereabouts; attempt to lower their confidence or even behave violently. Little D. used to purposely drive his car around his neighborhood to monitor that the vehicles he wished to have, but he couldn’t; weren’t parked illegally. If they were, he would call the police to get them purposely ticketed causing a financial burden to the other family.

While most people use the words "jealousy" and "envy" interchangeably, they're actually two distinct emotions. Jealousy is solicited anytime there is a threat to something that is of value to an individual (in other words, it's that icky feeling you get when you are afraid something will be taken away from you). Envy, on the other hand, is the emotion solicited when somebody has something that you want for yourself (like the cars Little D. wanted)

Oftentimes both emotions will result in aggression. In envy, you want to harm the person because you don't want them to be superior over you. In jealousy, you harm because you don't want them to take something away from you.

So how can Little D. deal with his emotions? How can we use those emotions to grow up and be the adult his family and society expects him to be?

Being jealous or envious of someone else’s greatness, good fortune and wellbeing is ruining your life.Focusing on others causes you to lose sight of your own dreams, goals, and ambitions. It makes you resentful and grumpy. It can even lead to depression and anxiety…

1. Understand the feeling: What is it that makes you envious? By getting to know your own reactions and understanding why you’re being jealous, you can slowly start to eradicate it.

2. Recognize your abilities: Not all of us have the same abilities and talents, and this can be a major cause of envy but guess what Little D? You may have other talents that other may never have. If you envy their natural talent and it is a talent you simply don’t possess, then you need to learn to accept that not everyone is the same and we all have our own strengths.

3. Know what you want: set your goals and find ways to achieve your dreams using these abilities.Transform your envy: What other emotions can we encourage in order to overcome envy? Gratitude, abundance, happiness....

4.Expect more from yourself: Once you learn to overcome envy and embrace a life of being inspired to achieve great things, you will notice how much better your life becomes.

So Little D. our professional advice is “spend the time and energy to move beyond envy – the rewards you reap will be worth the investment in yourself”.


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Nilmari Donate-Melendez


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